So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
