why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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