So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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