I need help removing her.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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