Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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