Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
