you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
