This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
