New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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