My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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