Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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