i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
