You really coming over, don't trick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
