After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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