I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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