Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
