I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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