I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
