I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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