What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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