She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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