So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
