if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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