My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
