During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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