i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
