are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
