I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
