I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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