When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
