I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
