there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
