someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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