..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize