You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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