But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
