I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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