Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I believe in your delicious
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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