So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
