I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
