No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
