I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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