you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
