I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
