About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
