I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
