My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize