I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize