sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
