There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
