i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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