I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I touched a dick in church today
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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