everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
