I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
