That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
