I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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