I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
as a side note pls kill me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
