Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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