fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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