What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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