I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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