I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
