I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
