did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
