But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
