What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
