Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
