hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
