He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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