I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
