Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Still dying that you shit outside
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
