It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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