Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Floor bacon is actually really good
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
