THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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