My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Couch. On fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
