I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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