just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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