I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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